Tag Archives: emotions

Spring Time

by on 03/03/2011 in Experiences

It’s been Winter for a while now,

And through the cold, I’ve been looking for an antidote, to cure us from all the poisonous words we’ve said
from the things we did that we didn’t mean
from the futile moments of regret we would have taken back in a heartbeat

I ask myself: With all the pain this affinity has been putting me through, is it all still worth it?

And immediately, I say, “yes, it is.”
But the conviction I once held is starting to fade away, and I correct myself:
“Yes, I think it is. I’m not sure. Is it?”

And slowly, my faith fades, like cobwebs slowly clearing out in the Spring,

“Maybe it was, but not anymore.”

I would have loved to have lived through all the seasons with the same love I had back in the First Fall.

But as the season changes, we do as well.


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You Make Me Want to Be a Better Man, and Other Clichés

by on 02/13/2011 in Experiences, Just Because

“I’m gonna need you more than you need me.”

“I think technically the “girl of my dreams”… would probably have, like, a really bodacious rack, you know Maybe different hair. Probably – You know, she’d probably be a little more into sports. But um truthfully, Robin’s better than the girl of my dreams. She’s real.”

“To me, you are perfect.”

“I love that you get cold when it’s 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

“You jump, I jump, remember?”

“You said you couldn’t be with someone who didn’t believe in you. Well I believed in you. I just didn’t believe in me. I love you… always.”

A year ago, I would have killed myself just to admit to anyone that YES, ROMANTIC MOVIES GIVE ME BUTTERFLIES IN THE STOMACH, AND A TRUCKLOAD OF TEARS TO BOOT (!!!) . But today isn’t a year ago. And a year ago I wasn’t in love with the most wonderful man I have ever found, and will probably ever find, in this lifetime. It might be a long shot to be saying all of this, but when I love someone, I want the whole world to understand all the reasons why, no matter how absurd those said reasons may sound to other people. And really, if other people do find my reasons absurd, who’s to care? They don’t have what I have anyway. And what I have would trump any irrelevant raised eyebrows, condescending scoffs, and insecure eye rolls.  And yes, again, it might be too much for me to be saying all of this but I don’t really care, because right now it’s what I feel… and in a very Existentialist fashion, right now is all that matters. Anne Hathaway’s character in Love and Other Drugs said it quite perfectly for me (with the sad, sad background music that never fails to make me cry btw):

“Just how happy I am, in this moment right now. The way the light’s hitting that face of yours… there’s this little breeze coming through the window. And it doesn’t matter if I have ten thousand more moments like this, or just this one because it’s all the same. Right now, this moment. I have this.”

It’s such a sublime feeling, to actually meet someone who made me understand what Jack Nicholson said in As Good as It Gets. This conversation sums up everything that I’m feeling.

Melvin: I’ve got this, what – ailment? My doctor, a shrink that I used to go to all the time, he says that in fifty or sixty percent of the cases, a pill really helps. I *hate* pills, very dangerous thing, pills. Hate. I’m using the word “hate” here, about pills. Hate. My compliment is, that night when you came over and told me that you would never… well, you were there, you know what you said. Well, my compliment to you is, the next morning, I started taking the pills.

Carol: I don’t quite get how that’s a compliment for me.

Melvin: You make me want to be a better man.


To actually have met someone who makes me want to be a better person …that is not just something that happens everyday.

And I would be the biggest idiot if I should ever let go of a miracle.

Happy Valentine’s Day :)

Comments { 455 }

Absolution

by on 02/05/2011 in Just Because

Guilt is an unrelenting monster with an insatiable appetite. He knows nothing but hunger to thrive on with sin, pain, and the vulnerability of sleeping little girls. Sleeping little girls who just want to be absolved so goddamned much that they’d do anything to be freed from the grasps of such a horrifying creature.


They would do anything.



Absolutely


anything.



Comments { 398 }

Purgatory

by on 01/30/2011 in Just Because

I am encompassed in fumes of hatred, flickering about some embers of wrath sprouting from the very depths of my soul. I am burning, not with the Promethean fire nor with God’s, but with nature’s fire. The flames erupt in the same majestic way my emotions do, but they don’t burn me. Rather, they protect me.

And the fire starts to burn out, leaving me cold and unsheltered. I try to ignite them once again, attempting benevolent friction from the depths of my love’s soul, but, the flames refuse to be fueled. I am left cold, and in darkness. I don’t feel the flames, yet I don’t feel anything either. For a multitude of seasons, I feel this; until, in all gratitude, a new one with the fire comes along and saves me from the madness. And I start to forget the previous firebringer, who killed me body and soul in my past life, and  who, in turn, I will kill from my memory until time unavailing.





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My Heart is Aflutter

by on 12/20/2010 in Just Because

My heart is aflutter
Of tiny wrenches
Picking at my soul

My heart is appeased
By scattered winds
Driving unto my bones

My heart is brimming
With divine fruits
Exalting my tastes

My heart is trespassed
By purple sins
Breaking my barriers

My heart is plagued
With bisque lions
Roaring at my reasons

My heart is elated
At your wonder
Surmounting all creation

12/20/10 10:47:48 AM

Comments { 473 }

Polaris

by on 10/13/2010 in Experiences

I am at a loss for words – trying to fathom the feeling of being completely contented while still remaining unbelievably insatiable in the mere touch of a hand, or within unassuming caresses upon the back, or in childlike exchanges of gestural emotions.

It must have been a huge metaphysical coincidence for me to be such in a fortunate predicament.

 

To have found the most convenient romance in both a leman and “buddy” (or so he says).

To have been able to per usually kiss the person I want to kiss the most.

To have been able to spend unproductive weekday nights without having to feel like it’s a waste of time.

To have incorporated the pronoun “our”, as opposed to the more common “my”, more frequently in my vocabulary.

To have my hands feel right at home with another’s.

 

It just feels so much like a huge cliche; like those “jigsaw puzzle moments” where every piece, even the insignificant ones located northeast of the board, just seems to fit perfectly with each other.

And I keep on saying “I feel this” or “This feels that” – which would have repulsed me had I not been feeling the way I’m feeling right now. I mean, who actually feels this much emotion in one sitting?

Oh right, I do.

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Revelation of Disappointing Proportions

by on 08/29/2010 in Experiences, Just Because

A Scribble from my Freedom notebook that I lug around 24/7

I love you

But I don’t know you

And this is why

You are nothing

But perfection

to me.

-Infatuation 08/10/10

It would have been the smarter decision to keep up with that premise. (What a let down)

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Falling y Flying

by on 07/11/2010 in Just Because

Funny how falling feels like flying for a little while. (Some photo I found on Tumblr.com)

What a paradoxical statement. (referring to the epigraph of this blog entry)

But my question is, until when will falling feel like flying? How long until this supposed ecstasy turns into a dreadful reality? How long will it take before you just wake up and realize you’re just a disillusioned little child trapped inside a nightmare without any means to wake up?

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